biking with yer mouth open and yer balls out

god, i feel like i must say something. so, i'm taking this series of adult enrichment courses, and i'm onto my newest and last one; when i break out. i've got my money for the course in my hand. here in adult education, you paying fucking cash, and on the first day too. i don't need to 'learn' excel. i'm out of here. the one girl in class who's within my age group (which, by the way is expanding all of the time; as i check out all of the 40 something secretaries in the room) is seeming to flirt eye and dodge. not now sweetheart. i'm through with classroom crush and neighbor crush. i'm done with microsoft software classes. i get on my bike swiftly. through the misty south san francisco mix use trail i gallop. i've got a seriously fast bike right now. sometimes when i pedal really hard going through these neighborhoods, i feel the gaze of suburbans on me as i pass. if they only knew what i was running away from. would they join in? the climb on chestnut to hillside in south city is always windy, even a few month ago in the middle of the day. it's getting late now. then the old carnage of colma and daly city. cemeteries, liquor stores, nurseries, and condos. death everywhere. it's nice with shorts on at 25 miles an hour. the scenery isn't much through west portal till you get to the mission. even thought the traffic lights are all wrong, and not helping anyone, valencia is great. it's got all the violently pretty girls, the tragically hip dumps and miles and miles of bikers. the mission is still where i feel exploited, safe and adventurous. where people have charm, charms and are charmed. elsewhere, i feel what cedrars wrote about. a hole. the need to get rubbed off. i feel like screaming: i know what gets me off! don't we all? the people who come out to the mission know. i've spent nights in donut shops here, totally drunk, writing scribbles i couldn't even later decipher. i've spoken to cops at length about arcane subjects, forgot where i was going and started on new tangents. well, it's important that we agreed to disagree. the city goes on, as if i'm biking in place. downtown, where all the beautiful women swarm till the stock market closes at 1pm pacific time. i see old ghosts, people i used to know. we stop and chat. i buy the coffee, they give me the benefit of the doubt, even though i'm dressed like a baby (like my friend asa tells me). people working downtown still want what we've been trained to want. 'i'm gonna sacrifice my time, my best years. treat me right.' give me a tasty $15 drink at cesar's. a fabulous spa treatment (i wouldn't know where). access to hot singles, or if not single then hot couples who have fun. if butch, then a dissatisfied gay man. if gay, then a wide eyed straight boy. everyone's looking for something out here. not an easy option. for most of the bay, it's modestly priced wine and a tv show. i'm riding along the embarcadero, as people continue to stream past. stretch limos, followed by audis, and inline skaters with headphones on. the preachers with testament. random chatter and banter. you are far away from me. my frozen friends. as i must come back to the place i left.